Forrest Gump said, "I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is." I have been pondering that lately (as weird as it sounds). But it's true. This statement has haunted me in a sense since I first heard it. So much of what passes as "love" these days are expensive presents, flattery, sex (yes I did just use the s word on my blog) and in general worldly things. It is so sad to me that that is what love has become. Love has become grand gestures. The more grand the better! To be quite frank, that's not the kind of love I want my daughter to see or want. Because that kind of "love" isn't real love. That's infatuation. That's personal gain. That. is. not. love. When Devin and I first got married we were asked to attend a marriage class during Sunday School. It was kind of awkward at first but I think we learned some valuable lessons. One of my favorite quotes we got from those classes LIVED on our fridge until we moved from CA (which, by the way, I realized today... and I intended to print this out and make it live somewhere in this home of ours.) If you are married or if you have time (like 5 min), I encourage you to read THIS TALK. Yes, it's religious but even if you aren't you can apply most of the principles to your own marriage. Anyhow- my favorite quote is by James E. Faust and it states,
"In the enriching of marriage the big things are the little things. It is a constant appreciation for each other and a thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. It is the encouraging and the helping of each other to grow. Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine."
This. This this this my friends. Some of you know that I try and read Dr. Laura's "On the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" each year and sadly I did not have time to do it last year (it's on my to-do list ASAP) but in here book she is constantly asking her listeners, "What specifically have YOU done to..." Improve your marriage, show your spouse you love them, spice up your romance, etc.
I have been striving for the past few weeks to make note of the little things that Devin has done for me to show me that he loves me. Here are just a few examples.
-He lets me eat the brown bread at The Cheese Cake Factory
This might not seem like such a huge deal, but I really don't like sour dough bread. And Devin knows that. So he quietly eats the sour dough and lets me have the yummy brown goodness. Of all the times we have eaten at The Cheese Cake Factory over the past 6 years, I don't think I have ever noticed that until recently.
-He fills up my car with gas so I don't have to
It goes without saying that I am a horribly busy person. And so is my husband. Filling up the car with gas seems like such a chore to me (because, let's be honest... it is). I think I have filled up the car with gas once in the past 3 months. Once. And Devin called me while I was at Target and asked if I minded doing it.
-He bought grass fed beef without me having to ask
All I asked was for him to pickup ground beef. Not only did he do that, he got the exact brand that I like to use.
-He gives me time for myself.
One day, he came home from doing some manly thing and he said, "Why don't you go get a pedicure and buy some new shoes." Ladies, if you aren't married... find one that will give you time to yourself. It is so important (regardless of what some people say) you desperately need that time. A lot of the times, its just a bubble bath at the end of a particularly hard day. A few days ago he drew me a bath while I was putting Charlotte down for bed, just because he thought I would enjoy some quiet time.
-He gives me time to study
This is huge to me. I constantly feel stress and pressure to do well in school. This is his biggest support to me while I have been in school. Last quarter was seriously outer darkness but he was seriously so supportive. I had a week where I was crying almost every day with the stress and pressure and he held me, and talked to me, and prayed for me. That's a real man.
-He tells me that I can have whatever I like
Ok, don't get all crazy here. I'm not saying that if I wanted to go out and get a pair of Jimmy Choos that he would just let me (although a few years ago when we were in Hawaii I seriously contemplated doing that , but I was afraid I would never wear them! So expensive even with the discount at the Barney's outlet!) But what I AM saying is that if I email him at work and tell him that I just don't feel like cooking he says, "Ok, what can I pick up on my way home" or if I desperately need (hahahah) something from Sephora it's always "you can have whatever you like."
So, this week as we celebrate love (or looking for love... or being allergic to love...) I think we can all try and remember more of the little things. Because they ARE the big things.