Thursday, August 28, 2014

I wish someone had said something helpful


To be honest- I had completely forgotten about this post! I wrote it last November (2013) when Charlotte wasn't even 6 months old yet. It was really funny to find this a read through it. It's still true! No photos: Just words.

Before Charlotte was born, I knew motherhood was going to be hard... but I didn't think it would be this KIND of hard. Does that makes sense? I expected motherhood to be challenging and difficult... I saw all the crap my mom had to deal with from us girls. But I really didn't expect it to be like this. 
I just wish someone had told me something that I felt was helpful...
All I got were, "Oh, you just get ready for sleepless nights!"
And, "Motherhood is the most amazing thing in the entire world! I love being a mother ALL THE TIME." 
And, "Oh, you think you're life is hard now. You just WAIT until your baby is born!"
How the heck are any of those statements helpful to a new or future mother? Hint. They aren't. 
So... to my new mom friends, soon to be mom friends, and already mom friends... here are some things I wish people had said to me...

#1. There are parts about motherhood that just plain suck.
My good friend Cherie told me this the other day (she is a mother of 3) and it's just a fact. I do not enjoy getting spit up on. I hate it almost MORE than poop. Because at least poop can be contained as long as you have a good diaper on your kid. But spit up can get everywhere... and then everything smells like cheese. And the crying. The crying really sucks. Especially when you have no idea why they are crying or how to fix it. 

#2. Yes, you will be exhausted. But you can do it.
I hated when people told me that I was tired and that it would pass. That never made me feel better. So I'm not going to tell you that it will pass (although it does... eventually they learn to sleep through the night). I am just going to tell you that you can do it. You can be exhausted and only run on a few hours of sleep. Just hang on until dad gets home so you can get some relief and take a nap. 

#3. Life does get harder... but also more fun.
I would be lying to you if I said there weren't times where I missed being able to just pick up and go to the store without taking everything and the kitchen sink (and that also didn't required planning to make sure we go at a time when C will be happy). But oh, her smile! And her giggle! And watching her learn and grow. It's pretty awesome. 

#4. It's OK to feel overwhelmed!
Look, there have been days when Devin comes home and I tell him I need to go hide under a rock for a week. Devin (carrying Charlotte) and our dog all follow me around. All. The. Time. I tried to go to the bathroom the other day and they all followed me. I said to Devin, "WHY do you keep following me!?" And he said, "Because you're the Mommy..." Being a mother is a lot of work, but being a wife, a friend and all the other hats you wear can all pile up and make you feel overwhelmed and that's OK! Take some time for yourself. Do what you need to do to get recharged. Call your mom, take a bubble bath, cry it out... and move forward.

#5. It's OK to cry. 
The honest truth about me and motherhood... There have been days when I called my mom and told her that I just couldn't do it anymore. I have told my friends that I just don't now how I am going to be a mother. There have been times where I have woken Devin up early in the morning and had him take Charlotte so I could have a break and a little nap. I have cried and cried and cried. I've been selfish and cried at the loss of my "youth" and our carefree days. I've cried because Charlotte is crying and I don't know what to do. I have cried because I need my mom. I have cried because I have felt so completely alone. I have cried because I have desperately needed a break and a date with my husband but haven't been able to afford to go on one. I have cried about money and the lack thereof. I have cried about whether or not I am ruining my child with my inexperience. 

But you know what? I wouldn't change my life now for anything. Yes, I still cry. Yes, I get overwhelmed. Yes, I still need breaks. But this tiny little love, is the love of my life. I have an amazing husband (who is also a love of my life) who gives me relief me I need it most. I have a mother I can call and vent to. I have friends who understand!
So keep on keeping on mama- you CAN do this! 

2 comments:

Kirsty and Seth said...

I literally wrote a post just like this this afternoon before blogger decided to lose it :(. I am with you 100%, everything you said is so true. There just weren't enough helpful, honest comments on what motherhood would be like when I was expecting my son. Your post is perfect, especially for anyone expecting their first child.

www.kirstyandseth.blogspot.co.uk

Victoria said...

Ugh, I wish I had read this before my baby came! But I really needed it today. Yesterday has been one of "those days"- husband is out of town, the teething has begun, and I haven't slept longer than an hour and a half straight in I honestly don't know how long! Wooo baby it is hard.

So thank you! And you're right, we CAN do it. And the good, wonderful moments are so worth the hard ones.