Monday, February 3, 2014

On being a married single parent


I feel bad for neglecting this little space of mine. But the truth is I have just been too stinkin' busy. School, baby, church, and parenting by myself these last two weeks have really taken a toll on me. I definitely had to find my groove with school again. My first few days I kept thinking, "WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF" but now we have settled into the routine. Week 5. WEEK 5! Almost halfway through my first quarter of nursing school. When Devin told me he was potentially going to be gone for a month a little while back, I freaked out (inside... I didn't let him know I was freaking out). My mom wasn't able to come out until the last little bit... and I freaked out more. I HAD SCHOOL! I have to STUDY! And my baby is BUSY and she is in the "separation anxiety" stage. Not to mention she has been sick which makes her EXTRA clingy. And no sleep. No good naps. No good night time rest. I called my mom bawling one night that I just could not do it! I needed parenting relief! SERIOUS parenting relief. I had an EXAM the next day. HOW am I going to concentrate when I can't even hold my head up? HOW!? 
Yeah, people tell you they want to help you and I'm sure they mean it but they don't mean it at 3 am when you're kid isn't sleeping... which is REALLY when you need the help. 
And poor Devin, I know he feel guilty about leaving us here. But what can he do? It's his job. It's what we both signed up for. 
And surprisingly I am surviving.
It's been hard. Probably as hard as her first few weeks of life were, because I have been weathering the storm on my own. 
My mom gets here Wednesday and it cannot come soon enough. 
I definitely have a new appreciation for single parents. 
Especially my mom. 
My mom was a single parent for 11 years of my life.
11 years! 
I never really understood how hard that must have been for her until now. She had no family to help her, I was always in daycare and wherever she went- I went too. She worked, and provided, and took care of me and my needs all on her own. What a daunting task. 
My mom reminded me of a time (which I do not remember) when she was sick in bed and I was just appalled that she would not get out of bed and make me something to eat! 
Yikes, what a brat I was. 
And if anyone knows my mom you know she must have been REALLY sick. 
My mom is always GO GO GO GO. It takes a lot to knock her down. 
But I think that just shows that my mom never let on how hard being a single parent was.
She never let me do without, even if that meant that she had to work extra hard so I could go to ballet classes and take piano lessons. 
Mom, you rock. And thanks for jumping on a plane to come help me. 
And for answering your phone at 1am and letting me cry. 
I don't care how old I get, I will always need you. 
And Devin, you are the best husband and daddy and we miss you more than you know.
Thanks for never letting me feel like I have to do it all OR do it all on my own. 
I know how lucky I am to have you. 
Charlotte, you are so stinkin' cute. Thanks for being my buddy. We love you. 

4 comments:

andrea said...

She is such a darling baby! I'm so grateful that Brien's job doesn't take him away for months at a time, but when he's gone for a week or a even a few days on end it can get hard. I've also thought about single parents and wondered how they do it year after year, but you do what you need to in order to take care of your family. Your mom is awesome! and you are also an awesome mom!

Fabulously Faint said...

So glad your mom is able to come help you out and get some quality time with you and little C. Your doing a great job ! and seriously that picture of Charlotte....sooooo freakin cute!

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

She is too cute! That's good that your mom is going to visit!

Carlos Strey said...

What a great story, Whitney! I totally believe you are one brave and strong lady. You're doing a great job as a mom. Charlotte looks absolutely adorable, by the way. I hope everyone's in the best of health! Cheers!

Carlos Strey @ The Bridge Across