Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I have no idea what I'm doing here

I just have to say this... I love the posts I have been seeing lately where people talk about how motherhood really is. The good, the bad and the poopy. I hate the pretending. The pretending that everything is bright and rosy and sunshine all the time. Because it isn't. I have to remind myself that what a lot of people post is only what they want you to see and not now it really is all the time. That's one thing I find hard about social media. Most people just talk about the good. I just have to remember that there is opposition in ALL THINGS. And that things aren't always what they seem. And that it's hard for everyone whether they admit to it or not. Can I just throw this out there too? I'm tired of seeing/reading stuff that makes me feel like I'm an awful mother. If you don't co-sleep with your child you are a bad mother. If you don't make all of your own organic baby food you are a bad mother. If you don't get the right baby carrier for your baby you are a HORRIBLE mother. If you let your kids get vaccinated you are a bad mother... and the list goes on and on. I have vowed not to read crap like that any more. Because whether they come right out and say it- it makes me feel like I'm ruining my child! And I am here to tell you that I am not! I am making decisions that I feel is best for my baby and my family. 
We don't co-sleep. C has been sleeping in her crib in her own room at night from day 1. I have yet to make my own organic baby food. I might try it... but I might not like doing it. I have the ergo. I love it. But I would be lying if I said I didn't feel like C would like it much better if she could face out. She LOVES seeing everything! And yes C gets shots. 
Judge me for all of these things all you want but these decisions were mine to make.
And I really do have no idea what I am doing... but I'm doing the absolute best that I know how.
 To those of you who don't have kids yet... I'm not going to lie- getting pregnant, carrying a baby in your stomach, birthing that baby and then taking care of the baby is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. Seriously. Sometimes I look at my child and say, "How in the world were you ever inside of me?" I mean really! It's just bizarre. My swollen stomach, the movements, the ultrasounds... they all seem a million miles away now. 
I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room with tiny Charlotte in her car seat while Devin pulled the car around and thinking, "Oh my gosh. This is it. I'm taking this kid home with me and I have to do this! There is no other option!" 
And there really isn't! You just jump in and do what you can and try to block out the opinions you don't care to hear (because EVERYONE has got one) and listen to the people you trust. But then do what you feel is right... make your own decisions. And TRY and sleep when you can. And sing. I have found that singing helps. 
I will admit it again- I have no idea what I'm doing here. I haven't a clue what Charlotte's cries mean. I have heard some parents know the "hungry" cry, or the "hold me" cry, or the "I'm tired" cry. I have no idea what they are talking about. All I hear is crying. 
But that's OK! I'm figuring things out as I go. Like always putting a clean diaper under her butt BEFORE changing the dirty one. And ALWAYS have a burp cloth on hand. And that despite the Dr's disapproval she LOVES to nap on her belly. 
You learn as you go. To all of my friends who are moms... you are a GOOD MOMMY! Don't let anyone else tell you differently...even yourself.
Keep going... keep doing...
And Charlotte, some day when you have your own little girl and you call me crying telling me you have no idea what you are doing... I KNOW! Hopefully I can say something helpful. But if I can't I will take you shopping... because you love that already ;-) 


Jamie said...

Hi Whitney,
I don't know you extremely well, but I do follow your blog, and I can tell that you are a really good Mommy. I too have found myself feeling rather dumb reading what other Mom's and ladies are doing. But then I remind myself that the only thing that matters is that I am there for my baby and I am listening to my mom instincts. Sometimes I feel like some ladies get into certain trends for themselves or for their babies to keep up with the Jones' or so they have something cool to put on their social media. To me, doing something for your baby because it is what everyone else is doing is not good. We should be doing what feels right to us and what doesn't stress us out. When ladies get so caught up in all the trendy unnecessary things for their babies, they lose sight of what their soul purpose first think of your baby and their needs, not first think of making yourself seem cooler. Seems a little selfish to me. Baby comes first always. Thanks for you blog post. It got me thinking and reminded me that I'm just as good of a Mommy as every other Mommy out there. Thanks!

Jamie said...

P.S. Your Charlotte really is a cutie! Those cheeks!

Afton Brinkerhoff said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who just hears crying. I'm so confused as to how mommies hear different cries for different things. It's all just crying to me. So glad I'm not alone!

Mary Nevin said...

I'm sure you're doing great!! She's the cutest!!