Before Charlotte was born I didn't really know what to expect. I didn't know that I would not only fall so in love with her but even more in love with Devin. I never knew what real "sleep deprivation" was or that babies can fart so loud (right in the middle of relief society thank you). Not to mention how many diapers and outfits we go through a day. But I really didn't expect to want to stay home and be a mommy full time.
You see, my mom and biological father got divorced when I was 2 and she remarried when I was 13. So for 11 years of my life it was just basically my mom and me since my sister's are all way older than me. As long as I can remember she worked 2-3 jobs to make sure I never had to do without. I did dance, and cheerleading and music and anything else I wanted. I went to summer camps and had piano lessons and went to a special magnet school. My mom went back to school and got her bachelor's and master's degrees in Education. She worked at a university full time and played piano and flute on the weekends. My mom is the best mom and always instilled in me the value of hard work and education. But I was always in daycare. I remember being an "early bird" and a "late worm" at daycare because my mom dropped me off before school and work and picked me up after she got off of work.. I remember standing at the fence outside instead of playing with my friends and watching for my mom's car... always afraid that she wouldn't come and pick me up.
I always thought that I would be like her. I would go back to work and put my babes in daycare because that's what my mom did. I didn't want to be a stay at home mom. It just wasn't for me. That is until I had Charlotte. How can I leave this beautiful little baby and let someone else watch her? No one would take her of her the way I would. To me it felt like I would be paying someone else to be her mother. And I just couldn't do it. It was such a struggle for me battling between what I used to what and I wanted now. We looked into daycares (one was almost $1700 a month!) and finally decided that the best thing for us and for Charlotte would be for me to stay home. Don't get me wrong- I will miss going to work and making money to support my shopping habits- but this little face is more than worth it.
P.S. I can't get enough of Devin with our baby girl. There really is just something about a man and a baby.