Sunday, May 24, 2015

On Judging

If you haven't ever done a "meyers-briggs" survey... go do one right now. It can tell you a lot about yourself. One of the things that I "learned"/already knew about myself is the "judging" part. My teacher assured us that that is how we made decisions. We decide based on our judgements. I will admit it- as much as I try I kind of am a judgy person (Yeah I know "judgy" isn't a real word but it just sounds good for this purpose). So it might come as a surprise to most that I ASKED to be put into a jail for one of my clinicals this quarter. Yep, I CHOSE to be there. I had heard such good things about being a student at a jail. In fact when I had my interview for nursing school I remember hearing a girl from Quarter 6 (my current quarter) raving about her jail experience. So, when we got the email about where we wanted to go for community health I did not hesitate to volunteer myself to go. (I did talk to the clinical office, my husband, and my mother before hand). I am lucky and was able to get the clinical a that I wanted for this quarter. That was until my first clinical at the jailed rolled around and I was a hot mess. I seriously cried the entire 30 minute drive to the jail.
"I can't believe I chose to go to this place!"
"What if someone mugs me on my way in!?"
"What if an inmate stole a pen and I get shanked!?"
The longer the drive the more irrational I became. I pulled up to the county jail trembling and blubbering and texting my husband that I loved him no matter what. Sitting in my car, I decided to give myself a pep talk. A "girl you got this thang" talk... It went a little something like this....

Ok, don't freak, don't freak out, don't freak out too much. Everyone else who has come here has loved it. I was assured by the sherif I interviewed with and the clinical office that I would never be alone. If I don't feel safe they will move me to another facility.

I took a few deep breaths, said another prayer (probably my hundreth by this point) and my pep talk turned into something different...

Ok, there will be some "bad" people here- you know that... Yes, you are at a jail- don't forget where you are at. Your job is to treat what is in front of you. Your job is not to judge. These people are still people. Maybe they have made some bad decisions, maybe they have mad some really really bad decisions but that isn't my business. My job is to be their nurse. Not their friend, not their enemy, not their condemner. You are there to help. Whatever you are faced with today, you can do it.

So, I walked into that jail still completely terrified but resolved to be the best nurse I could be. And you know what? This is probably the best clinical experience I have had to date. I have had a little bit of everything. Lots of meds to pass, lots of vitals to take, lots of wounds to dress. Most of the inmates are super respectful, "yes ma'am" and "thank you, ma'am". There is always another health care worker with me and/or a deputy (Side note: isn't the word deputy fun to say? I say it every chance I get when I am there. "Deputy! You can send the next patient in now! DEPUTY! Do you want some of my trail mix?) Are there rude patients? Sure. Are there inmates who are super inappropriate? Oh goodness yes. But I've run into rude and inappropriate patients lots of times before. These people are still PEOPLE. Do you have to have a bit of tough skin to work with some of these inmates? Yeah. Especially when they are withdrawing and telling you that they "just want to F---ing die!" and they get violent really quickly. I am doing my best to treat them with dignity and respect and still see them as patients. Side note: It's so sad to see that the jails/prisons have become the new "mental health" wards/clinics. 90% of the patients I see would say have some sort of mental health related issue.

"Treat what's in front of you, it's not your place to judge" has become my mantra. Regardless of working at the jail or not I am going to try so so hard to apply that no matter where I end up.
My job is to be the nurse

Friday, May 22, 2015

On having a daughter

There is just something so special about having a little girl. I always always always wanted a daughter. I used to imagine what she would look like, how she would act, how I would dress her. And you know what? It's even more fun than I imagined. Watching this littler person grow is the biggest privilege I have ever been given. It tears my heart into pieces that the years are now FLYING by but they are the best ones yet. Sure, it's way more fun shopping for her than for myself (HELLOOOOOO so much cuter stuff) but she is at the age where she can start doing all of the things I always dreamed of doing with my daughter. DANCE LESSONS! SWIMMING! SHOPPING! NAILS! HAIR! She is such a fun mix of Devin and I (although, she LOOKS just like him). It still shocks me when I see photos of us together. I am dark, and she is as fair as they come. But she is still mine. Our attitudes are very similar (help me!). Devin always says, "She may look like Daddy but she acts like Mommy!" She loves to go shopping, all the Disney princesses, baby dolls, pink, and anything sparkly. But she still loves the outdoors like her daddy. She loves to help him outside with watering the plants and playing in the dirt. She also loves sleeping bags, dragons, and ninja turtles. She definitely goes through phases as to which parent is her favorite (usually it's whoever gives in!) My girl loves shoes. ANY shoes. She loves to put on Mommy's shoes and walk around the house. She also loves to try and get her doll shoes on her feet and she gets frustrated when they don't fit. I have a feeling she will be able to sympathize with all those characters in Cinderella who couldn't get the glass slipper to fit. She is testing the waters of independence. It's kind of scary how much she really DOESN'T need me anymore. She can get her own snacks, she doesn't think she needs to hold my hand as much anymore, and wants to dress herself. I find myself being pushing slowly and slowly away as she figures out who she is. Maybe that's how this whole parenting gig will be?
Me helping her along as she figures things out for herself? I still rely on my mom a lot but it's kind of sad that someday she really won't need me at all (or at least it feels like that). I just want to keep her little for forever! This season of life is challenging but it's so so beautiful. Having little people in your home is a joy I never knew until recently. Hearing giggles and  her little feet running upstairs as she plays with Lucy. Watching her snuggle her daddy. Walking into her room and seeing her sitting in her rocking chair with her babies "reading" to them. All the feels guys, all the feels. My little girl is always so concerned when someone is sad. Especially babies. Her new thing is to ask, "What happened?" She is such a sensitive little soul. I love that she never gives up trying. I love that she loves her blankies. I love that everything we do these days is "TIME!"... "BREAKFAST TIME"... "NAPPY TIME"... "POTTY TIME"... "CAR RIDE TIME"... She is my joy.

{If you are curious my dress is from JCrew and my shoes are NineWest. Charlotte's dress is Baby Gap and her shoes are from Gymboree} 

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Freshly Picked Review and a Surprise!

{HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHARLOTTE AN DDEVIN! I will be reading THIS  post at least 3 times today and crying my eyes out while she naps today.... }

True story, I have been lusting over this brand even before I ever became pregnant. When they went on SHARK TANK I waited with bated breath as they worked out a deal. When Charlotte got her first pair of moccasins last year I knew we had made the right choice. Perfect for little baby feet! Um, and they just recently came out with crib moccasins which are perfect for bringing baby home in! I so wish they had had those when C was born. These are literally the perfect baby shoe. Easy to put on, stylish and THEY DON'T SLIP OFF EITHER! Which is hugely important- especially for my child who would run around barefoot 24/7 if we let her (daddy would). Freshly Picked moccasins come in TONS of gorgeous colors (our favorites are The House that Lars Built (shown) and the Heirloom collection) and they are always dropping a new fun line! (UM... also... they are having a sale today... just sayin'... if you want some head over there ASAP!) These moccasins are sturdy, well made, and hold up nicely with all the craziness that toddlers get into. And Charlotte loves them. Every time I tell her to go get her shoes she goes for her moccasins! 
So, for Charlotte's special day today we have decided to give away a pair of Freshly Picked moccasins on my Instagram account {SURPRISE!}- please see there for more details if you would like to enter (giveaway runs from May 20th-May 31st, winner will be contacted directly). @whitneyzufelt.  But even if you don't win, go order some now. you definitely won't be disappointed.  SALE LAUNCHES AT 10  MST so don't miss it. 

Monday, May 18, 2015

Almost 2

Dear Charlotte,

You are almost 2... but not quite. I am going to hang on to the "one" as long as I can (ahem, 2 more days- cue the tears). How is it that your first year seemed so long (because let's be honest- that baby stage was hard for me!) but this past year has just flown by? Time is such a thief. I get so sad thinking about how everything just keeps slipping away. The other day I called grandma and cried about how before we know it you will be leaving us and going off to college! I know, we have a few years yet for that. But judging how fast your 2nd year of life went it will be here before I am ready. I am not ready for you to grow up. I'm just not. And I refuse to believe that you are a big girl. But the other night I accidentally left my cup of apple juice on your highchair tray while I handed something to daddy and you took my cup and drained the entire thing! In a big person's cup! I was in shock. I wasn't ready (or expecting) that one. You are so stinking smart it's ridiculous. You can count to 9! Actually you can count to 11 but somehow you forget 10. You are so verbal I have lost count of how many words you know. You can't quite jump yet but it's so funny to watch you try. You run and flap your arms, and your bum is the cutest bum in the whole wide world. Don't even get me started on your feet. I'm obsessed with your little feet! Which is probably why you have so many shoes. You love your daddy. You just absolutely adore him and it fills my heart watching you two together. You love to boss Lucy around. "Ceecee! COME ON!" You love to eat yogurt for breakfast. You ask for it daily even before I get you out of your crib. You love swimming (we are putting you in swim lessons this year! hooray!), coloring, going to the park, and Mickey Mouse. You are hesitant in new situations and wary of new people. That's ok, it just means that you are cautious and careful. When you hold my hand or ask for it, it's the best thing in the whole world. Sometimes you ask for me to hold your hand when we are driving in the car. It's pretty much my favorite thing in life. You have started saying, "excuse me" when someone is in your way, and "where are you!?" if you can't find us. You can do all the motions to "the its bitsy spider" and it just about makes my heart burst each time. Every night you want me to sing, "I am a Child of God", "Spider", "Twinkle" and "Sunshine". You are my big girl helper. You love to throw away trash, blow your nose, dust, vacuum, and clean up your messes (for the most part). You love being "mommy" to your baby dolls, and lately on our walks you HAVE to take your baby doll stroller with you. You also love to collect rocks (or treasures as you call them). When I cry, you give me hugs and kisses and tell me, "it's OK mama." You love to eat soup and homemade bread. You also love my homemade pasta sauce. You will eat burgers but you aren't a fan of chicken. You love to steal my phone and pretend you are calling grandma. "Hello? Grandma? It's for you." Once a week we try and go out on a "Mommy and Charlotte date" and you love them just as much as I do. You love going to Target but mostly because we let you pick a prize from the dollar section when we go. You also love Sephora, and pretty much anything that is shiny and breakable. I still check on you every single night before I go to sleep and I just can't believe how big you are. You are the most beautiful thing in my life. I am so thankful for you and all you have taught me. No one makes me happier or makes me crazier than you and your daddy but I wouldn't want it any other way. I hope you know that no one loves you like daddy and I do. You are our angel baby. And you always will be.


Saturday, May 16, 2015

Charlotte's Birthday Party

Quick, mostly photos, post of C's bday bash. It was supposed to be both Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse for both Devin and Charlotte (more specifically "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse") but it turned into just Minnie (sorry honey). She had so much fun. And she loved having a hot diggity dog for the very first time.

 (purchased this banner from etsy)

(balloons from 

(one of the only things I made for her party) 

(banner bought on etsy- I don't think anyone noticed this one haha) 

(pull string pinatas are the best) 

(the second and last thing I made for the party) 

(I purchased a cupcake stand and cupcake toppers before we decided to do a costco cake- I still wanted to use what I bought so we used mini solo cups and put mini m&ms inside- they were a big hit!) 

(close up of the pompom banner! i'm so proud of this) 

(we had chili dogs {or plain hot dogs for the kids} watermelon, chips, drinks and... cake!) 

(so grateful for nice weather today! and for all of our friends who came and hung out!) 

(post piƱata!) 

(her faces crack me up) 

Thank you (once again) to everyone who came and made our little family feel special! It was so nice to be surrounded by people we love and celebrate the most important people in my life. 

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Spring makeup

When the weather starts to get warm I immediately start wanting to revamp my makeup routine (and my wardrobe... to my husband's dismay). For me, spring/summer makeup= less is more. Unless it's Sunday I try really hard to keep my makeup to a minimum and just use what I feel is the bare minimum to get the job done. Here are products I am LOVING for spring.

#1. Origins Original Skin Renewal Serum 
This product was specifically designed for those of us in our 20s whose skin isn't yet mature but isn't adolescent either. Hand over heart, I'm in love with this stuff. I saw and felt a difference the very first day I used it! I use this after my moisturizer and under my foundation.

#2. Dior Nude Air Serum
THIS. FOUNDATION. All the heart eyes. This foundation is a serum so it's super light, has good coverage, and smells divine. I'm obsessed. It looks just like your skin but better! So much better! Dewy, healthy, glowing from within. Who doesn't want that!?

#3. Perricone MD No Bronzer Bronzer 
Ok, so I know I have written about this before but I just can't NOT do it again. It just gives the prettiest "I have been sitting by the pool today" glow (without actually sitting by the pool...) I usually drop ONE drop on my hand and use a stippling brush to apply it to my cheeks, hair line, and underneath my jaw. ONE DROP does the job for my whole face. JUST ONE! 

#4. MAC eyeshadows in Amber Lights and Coppering 
If you guys haven't watched any Jaclyn Hill videos on YouTube you need to go do it right now. I think her tutorial with these 2 shadows was from last year? But seriously, I'm OBSESSED! It's the easiest eye look of LIFE and it's gorgeous. Just promise me you will go watch it? I'm hooked on this eye look. 

#5. NARS lipgloss in Orgasm
YEEESSSS. This lipgloss is just the bomb. It's the perfect coraly-goldy goodness. I'm obsessed. I also love their shade "turkish delight". 

What products are you loving right now? Other products that I'm loving (not necessarily Spring related...) 
I'm dying over my Becca shimmering skin perfector in  "moonstone" and my "songbird" blush. OH and my new favorite eye liner? "Delinquent" by Urban Decay! 

Friday, April 24, 2015

What makes me awesome

Have you ever been browsing FaceBook and come across an article that one of your friends has posted and it pretty much just makes you feel like crap? That you are the worst person ever? No? Ok, well I have and if you haven't then a big ginormous high five to you! It's because of this that I have vowed to no longer read anything regarding parenting, vaccinations, or anything that would just make me feel awful. I hate feeling awful don't you? And you know what, when I think about it, I'm a pretty dang good bad @$$ (sorry mormon friends who are offended by that statement there just isn't a better term). When I start to feel bad about myself, who I am, the mother I am, the wife that I am... I start to mentally "click" through my list of awesomeness... (You may also call this post the "toot my own horn" post)

Here is what makes me a bad @$$....
-I make bomb baked goods: Seriously, it's something I really pride myself on! 
-I can french braid like no other! I used to do everyone's hair (except my own) back in my cheerleading days...
-I can play the piano. Not perfectly, but I can do it!
-My homemade spaghetti sauce is pretty amazing (if I do say so myself)
-I can change a diaper in 10 seconds (if I have to) 
-I am an extremely good motivator 
-If you were to drop on the ground right now... right in front of me, I could run the code that could save your life (not that I would want to... but I am qualified! ACLS baby!)
-I am so stinking good at taking manual blood pressures (for reals though) 
-I am not afraid to tell it like it is
-I pride myself on being a pretty good gift giver

Hey, I may not be awesome at everything but I am pretty dang awesome at some things. You each have something that makes you awesome and that you totally rock at! Maybe you make the best chicken noodle soup! Maybe you are a champion bed maker (I'm not). Maybe you craft like Martha Stewart. Go you! So, stop comparing yourself to others. You AND the girl next to you can both be awesome. Isn't that great? Who cares if someone is prettier, skinnier, or has more than you do? Be yourself and start remembering what makes you a bad @$$.
You do you! And rock it.